Transforming craving and self judgment

 The more prevelent judgment that keeps occuring in my life is the judgment I place on myself for bindge eating sweets in times when I feel insecure, unloved, needing attention or just bored. I want to get down to the core of why I over eat on sweets. I have figured out that eating sweets gives me stimulation that makes me FEEL that I am loving myself. But really, this feeling is an illusion that I have encouraged over my years of being a sweet addict. When I am feeling bored, unloved or in need of attention that I cannot find, I will feed myself sweets. I dont see a problem with indulging with a blissful treat to my taste buds every now and then, but eating sweets everyday can eventually have lasting consequences that I have consciously blinded myself of seeing. When I bindge eat on sweets, its almost as if my conscious mind turns off (willingly) and by subconcious mind takes over. For example, this morning I was home alone, feeling unfullfilled and found my moms hidden stash of MnMs. I began to eat a few, after eating about 5 I told myself, Okay i am satisfied. I went back to the jar a minute later, however, and began to eat more and more. My mind was thinking about my day while my taste buds were dancing with delight. A couple minutes later, my body told me that she was not happy with my choice of over indulgance. I stopped eating after my self judgment kicked in and walked away. A loud voice in my head screamed- "EAT more mnms! they make you happy!" I quickly followed that voice and ran back to jar and began to eat more. Then I tapped into a quiet voice in my mind that was telling me that chocolate is not going to make me happy in a couple of minutes. Instant gratification is NOT the way to happiness. So I paused, took a breath and decided to put the jar of mnm's back, and you know wha?t- I felt so good! I felt so empowered by this simple action of not giving into my cravings.
           So how do I get to a place where this quiet, wise and heartfelt part of me leads every action in my life? First by quieting that loud voice that encourages unhealthy and unwhole behavior, and by tapping into the one who encourages soulful and heart felt desicions. I feel that this same issue that I deal with on a daily basis, also applies to MANY americans and people on the plant for that matter. I wanted to provide an example of my own places of dissatisfaction, and not living up to my fullest potentioal so that others may see how we are all connected with this human condition of craving and how it can lead to suffering on many different levels. This is one of the human sufferings that is mentioned in Buddihism, which I clearly can relate to.
          In Buddhism, they talk about TRANSFORMING these feelings of fear, craving, unworthiness, anger, jelousy and sadness rather than repressing them. By transforming these feelings that cause us to suffer, means to understand where the feeling comes from and then find a way to learn how to change the feeling of craving (in this example) to one of self discipline and empowerment.